Episode 5: Crystal Paine on Love-Centered Parenting

business home you Mar 02, 2021
Crystal Paine knows love-centered parenting

Crystal Paine is the Money Saving Mom and host of the Crystal Paine Show podcast where she helps you embrace life right where you are and take practical steps to get where you want to go.  

She is also a New York Times bestselling author. Her newest book, Love-Centered Parenting releases on March 16, 2021, and in this episode we have a conversation about what love-centered parenting is and how she learned to embrace it as a mom.

 

Core Family Values: Crystal talks about the importance of starting love-centered parenting with these in mind.  Download the planning worksheet here.

 

People Crystal mentioned:  Sally Clarkson, Emily P. Freeman, Jeanie Cunnion, Meg Meeker, and Jennifer Dukes Lee.

Connect with Crystal at her website, on Facebook, or Instagram.

Crystal's favorite gadgets are...her breadmaker and Fitbit.

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This is a transcript of the This Mom Knows Podcast - Episode - 5

Jennifer Uren
Crystal Paine is the founder of MoneySavingMom.com, host of the Crystal Paine Show podcast, and a New York Times bestselling author. Her new book Love Centered Parenting is available for pre-order now and releases on March 16. Crystal's desire is to help women across the globe live with more joy, purpose and intention in their everyday lives. She lives with her husband and her kids in the Nashville area where she's actively involved in her local church. She loves following her passions from raising awareness for foster care and adventures with her family, to finding the very best grocery deals and trying to read way too many books at one time. So welcome, Crystal.

Crystal Paine
I'm so happy to be here. Thank you for having me.

Jennifer Uren
Absolutely. It's a pleasure and a joy and your bio shared lots of facts about you. But why don't you just tell us a little bit more like maybe where you grew up? And you know, kind of how you found yourself doing what you're doing today?

Crystal Paine
Yeah, so I was born and raised in Kansas. I lived there all my life until I was 34 years old. And then we uprooted and we moved to the Nashville Tennessee area where we I feel like we're somewhat becoming southerners because I actually use the word y'all a lotand that just sorta happened. This last week, though, we had a bunch of snow. And we were snowed in an iced in for almost an entire week. And so then I realized, you know, it is different living in the south, that's for sure. Just the whole snow and ice is a whole different thing here.

Jennifer Uren
That's right.

Crystal Paine
So my husband got married 18 years ago, and we set out on this journey to stay out of debt while he went to law school. And we were living in this tiny little basement apartment and beans and rice budget and trying to just stretch every penny as far as we could, I found out that I was pregnant, which we were super excited about. But I had been working multiple, just kind of side jobs. And that was helping to put food on the table and keep a roof over our head. And so then I had to come home because I was so sick, started researching everything I could about making money online fell into this thing called blogging, which was a brand new phenomenon at that time, you had to kind of explain to people what a blog was in 2004-2005 until you talked to them about what you blogged about. And so I started blogging just discovered that I loved it. And that you could also make a decent income from it with lots of work and effort. And so I also discovered that people were really interested in how to save money. And so in 2007 started MoneySavingMom.com, having no idea that it was going to turn into our family's full time thing. My husband was going to come home and quit his law firm in 2014. And this is what we do. And then it has led to some other opportunities like a podcast and book deals. So who knew?

Jennifer Uren
Right it one step at a time. Right?

Crystal Paine
Exactly right.

Jennifer Uren
Oh, that's great. Well, you do have a new book coming out Love Centered Parenting. And so I thought today, let's talk about the thing that you know, which is being a mom and specifically being a mom whose love centered in in your approach. So when you were a new mom, right at the beginning, was there somebody who mentored you? And what was the most impactful pieces of advice that they may have given you?

Crystal Paine
You know, it's interesting, because I saw that this question was one that you asked, and I truly could not come up with any one who is like a mentor. For me, it was a really lonely season when my husband and I were first married and I was a brand new mom. I actually didn't know anyone else who had a baby. And, and so it's just this season of where we didn't have a lot of community we had left our family and all our friends because we moved to this little time for him to go to law school and but I did have books and I feel like books were what really mentored me. And if I think of an author who has really impacted me, Sally Clarkson is someone through her books just kind of this wholehearted approach to discipling our kids was really impactful for me as a young mom, and I'm so grateful. And I've actually got to meet her in person and meet her kids and stay at her house and just see that she's actually the real deal. And so I'm grateful that even if I didn't have a real living people that I could sit next to over coffee that I could read books and be encouraged through them.

Jennifer Uren
And that's actually a good reminder that people watch and listen to us whether we connect with them directly or not. And so we have an opportunity to mentor even if it's not a formal relationship. So that's really cool. And that that speaks to your love of reading.

Crystal Paine
Yes, definitely. Always more books than time but yes, you know, I really feel like that books. It they change you and they impact you at such a deep level and so I'm so grateful that we have the opportunity to read. So, freely here and that we have so many books that we can choose from, like, it's such a gift and a blessing that there are more books than time, you know, I know that at our fingertips on our phones or at the library or through Amazon, you know, one day shipping, we can get books, and we can expose ourselves to so many different people and ideas and just learn so much from them.

Jennifer Uren
I know, I think we take it for granted, actually. Because it's it's so easy to do. But what was it though, with with your parenting journey? What started you on the path of re-examining your approach?

Crystal Paine
You know, it's interesting, because you talked about that I know, love center parenting, and I kind of want to stop you and be like, you know, the one thing I know is that I don't know a lot. For years and years of people had asked me, you know, they had said, you're gonna someday write a book on parenting, or actually, it's not a book on parenting, this book that has parenting in the title, I would say it's kind of about parenting, but it's not, here's how to parent is, here's how I did everything wrong and learn from my mistakes. You're gonna write a book that has parenting in the title out of it, like, No, no, no, no, you got the wrong person. But people would ask me for parenting advice, because for some reason, when you write words on the internet, people think you know something about things. And so I would just tell people, you know, ask me 25 years from now, and maybe we can talk that maybe I will have some advice for you that once my kids are grown and gone, but about four years ago, we really hit rock bottom as a mom and as parents. One of our kids just, we found out that they were going through a really, really rough time, it came through a visit to the principal's office one day and at school drop off, the principal called my husband over and he said I need to meet with you and your wife and your child after school. It's never...ugh. So he came home and he told me and we're like, what we don't even we racked our brain we really couldn't come up with anything that this can be about and had that just not in the pit of our stomach, like something really bad is about to go down. And so we have this meeting. And we find out that our child had done something the day before that had broken the school's code of conduct, it was really serious. And then through that, we discovered that there had been months of things going on at the school, multiple parents had gone to the principal, this was an ongoing thing. And our child just really spiraled out from that was asked not to come back to school. And, and that's how we ended up at the very beginning of the book, I talked about walking into the emergency room and you know, having to tell them my child suicidal, and it was just this really, really low place in my parenting of feeling like I thought I was, you know, I thought things were going along, okay, and my thought we were, you know, trying to do the right thing here. And it's not working at all, and our child is just like, we don't know what to do with them. We're completely at our wits end because everything we're trying to do seems to just make things so much worse. And there just is so much vitriol and anger and just scary things that are coming from their mouth and the way that they're acting and we're just we have no clue what to do.

Jennifer Uren
Yeah, and to feel a little blindsided even though the school saw it, you know, you live with this child, you're with them every day and you have no clue that kind of really shakes your confidence as a as a mom.

Crystal Paine
Absolutely. Yeah. Like, what like how did I not see this? You feel so much shame and guilt because other people saw it and you didn't and you thought, you know, things were going along okay. We had a lot of conversations, I thought these were just kind of minor bumps in the road part of growing up and we had no idea and so it just, you know, I remember thinking back in that time where you just I just carried around this kind of cloud over me it just sadness and sorrow and grief and, and just then shame and just feeling like I'm the mom of that kid. like and what do you do? Like, you know, I there's lots of things that have been written for the, you know, the mom who has a child who is being bullied, but what do you do when you're the mom, who is the child who has been labeled the bully? Like they it's a very lonely place to be in and just overwhelming because I'm like, "Where's the book that's gonna tell me what the next thing to do." And we were calling therapist and a lot of the counselors, they would tell us, either they were full, they didn't have any openings, or they would say, I'm sorry, we don't take a child that is that severe and what they're dealing with and you're just like, "Hello, you're the counselors. You're supposed to be helping us. Help us." You know, it was really overwhelming. But at the same time, I look back and I see how I felt like God just kind of stripped me of everything, my reputation, my feeling like I was doing a good job as a parent, and it kind of just took me back to square one of like, something's wrong, something needs to change. And I just started crying out to him saying, "Can you please help me? What do I need to change?" because something's got to change.

Jennifer Uren
Yeah. So what? Knowing that there's a lack of empathy, resource support, you know, for the mom in your shoes, the mom of the bully, the mom of the mean girl, what would you say to that mom? Who is in your same spot? How would you encourage her?

Crystal Paine
I just want women to know, if you're feeling that right now that you are not alone. I think it's hard because especially with the internet now and with thinking of our kids futures, we want to be so careful. And we want to be protective of them. And we don't want to share things that is that, you know, I always think of, in 10 years from now, when my child is applying for a job, and they're, you know, potential boss googles them. Yeah. And they're like, you know, I don't want to put them in that situation. And so I think that a lot of, there's a lot of resources out there for, you know, how do you deal with toddlers and things. But as the kids get older, it's harder because it's your kids. And so how do you share this well? And so I would just encourage the Mom, you're not alone. There are so many other moms out there who are struggling in silence and feeling alone, and just want to encourage you in that, but also that God is with, you know, I think of Emmanuel, God with us. And he is with you. And I can attest to in those moments when I felt so alone. And I felt scared that he met me in those moments. And he was so faithful. And as I cried out to him and look to him, that he was so faithful to gently and just graciously gave me light for the next step. And so just focus on what is the next right thing for you to do as Emily P. Freeman says, was really focusing on that instead of playing it out and living in fear of what the future could hold, because that can paralyze us in the present if we just stay focused on the future.

Jennifer Uren
Yeah. Yeah, that's, that's great encouragement, because the big things are big and overwhelming, but we can do one thing at a time. And that's really what's gonna make the difference in the long haul. I think most parents would say that they do things for their kids motivated out of love, but that doesn't automatically mean that they're parenting in a love centered way. So how would you describe the difference between a loved centered approach and a traditional parenting approach and why that matters?

Crystal Paine
You know, my hope with this book is in no way to add shame or guilt to any parent or to be like, you're doing it all wrong, that sort of thing. But I just want to give moms and dads everywhere freedom. Like that's just my hope, because I talked to so many moms who are just carrying around this heavy weight of guilt of feeling like they're not doing enough of constantly feeling like they're messing up, they're making mistakes. They go to bed at night, and they're just psychoanalyzing all of their decisions and wondering, you know, should I have done something different, you know, I tomorrow is going to be a better day. And I just don't want you to have to carry that around. And it's interesting, because when I was writing this book, I actually surveyed my audience. I'm on Instagram, I'm themoneysavingmom on Instagram. And I asked this question, I said, fill in the blank. My job as a parent is to blink. And it was fascinating and a little bit, almost scary, because I would say 98 to 99% of the responses, were things that parents actually have no control over. And so it would be things like I want to raise kids who love Jesus and go to heaven and make good choices. That's a great ambition. Butyou can't control that, or I want to raise kids who have great character and are successful in their career. Again, great ambition, but you cannot ultimately control your kids choices when they're younger, and protect them and you can guide them. But as they get older, you have to learn to let go and they are going to make their own choices. And so if we carry around the weight of that our child's choices, is a direct reflection on our job performance as a parent, because we believe that is our job as a parent. We're going to constantly be feeling like we're failing. And so love centered parenting is really about starting from the place of recognizing how much we are loved by God, and that we don't have to do more, try harder, be better strive to attain some sort of standard before we can achieve and attain his love. And so I start the book with really that foundation of wrestling through that in my own soul and learning to replace the lies with the truth and how that process, it was a two year process, it was not an overnight process. But that really changed my life and allowed me to live. And parent in freedom so I can parent out of that place of peace that I am loved. And so that no matter what happens, it doesn't change who I am, my child's choices don't define me. They don't change how much I am loved by God or not loved by God. And so it allows me to then parent from that place, and that space of rest and freedom, because I can just love my child lavishly and wholeheartedly. Read the results up to God.

Jennifer Uren
Yeah. So it sounds like it's really a shift from outcome performance based measures to relationship, and I'm going to invest in my relationship with God and my relationship with my child. And that's what I can do. And the rest will follow.

Crystal Paine
Yes, I talked about four choices that I really believe that every parent should make, instead of focusing on, you know, I want to raise this child who's going to do XYZ. What can I do? Let's focus on, you know, stay in your own circle, as a lot of therapists will say, what can I do, and those are these four choices, I can lean in and love. I can listen well. I can lead with humility. And I can let go. Those are not dependent upon what my child does. And my heart posture in my parenting and it really makes such a difference when we focus on that. And I will tell you, at least in our home, and in other homes that have, as I've talked in, encourage other moms, it does make a difference. And you will see a difference in your children a lot of the time, but at the end of the day, that's not the goal. It's not about rules. It's not about your reputation. It's not about results. It's about relationship.

Jennifer Uren
Yeah, yeah. And it models well, I'm always telling my kids, you can only control you, but then I'm trying to control them. Right? So if I'm focusing on what I can do about me, and helping them learn how, what they can do about them, then it also shifts how things play out. Because you're interacting differently, I think.

Crystal Paine
Yes, absolutely. And I also think we will have a lot less criticism towards our children, when we parent from that posture of love. And when we parent from that space of not thinking of our reputation, and not thinking of results, but of relationship, it's just going to allow us to not be nitpicking everything, or trying to bubble wrap or overprotect. Because we can just sit with our child, and we can just love them in that moment and be present with them, instead of just feeling like, well, they don't change, they don't fix this. If this doesn't change, then, you know, my job performance is on the line. And I think it's gonna also make us a lot more empathetic and compassionate toward other people, because or not also judging them by the standard that we've set up for ourselves as well.

Jennifer Uren
Yes, yes. Well, and true confession, it was a rough weekend, probably because I was prepping for this interview. And at one point, I was like, how can I encourage moms when I can't even parent my own children? And so yes, it's, it's a real thing we all struggle with.

Crystal Paine
Yes. And I think that's really what I encourage moms with is that it's not like it's just one and done sort of thing. It's this ongoing thing it's ongoing, leaning in and loving, listening well, leading with humility and letting go and you're gonna make some mistakes in the process. And that is okay, like, that's why we have Jesus, you know, if we were perfect if we had it all figured out with Jesus. So sadly, not before kids, as I talked about, in the chapter, on lean with humility, about when we make a mistake to come back to our kids and say, you know, I yelled at you yesterday, and I should not have done that. And I am so sorry. I'm working on this. And it is a process and will you please forgive me and pray with me, you know, and so just modeling that for our kids, and for them to see that we need Jesus and that we're not doing it perfectly. But when we fail, this is how we're processing through it instead of just beating ourselves up and then getting frustrated at them and taking it out on them, or really pointing them to the Lord as Jeannie Cunnion talks about how it's not our job as a parent to be our child's Savior, but to point them to the Savior. And so when we make mistakes, when we sin when we fail when we fall short, it gives us opportunities to point our kids to Jesus and to model that for them.

Jennifer Uren
Yeah, yeah. Well, a lot of what you talked about in the book, really, it resonates well with me because it works with a model called connected parenting, which is an approach that a lot of people in foster and adoptive families, you know, ours included, have learned to embrace to help with our kids with trauma and from hard places or going through hard things. So did your fostering journey play into learning to move into a love centered approach or did love centered approach play into your fostering journey?

Crystal Paine
I would say that it was that when all of these changes happened in my heart. And I feel like I had the space to feel like I could foster that had we been back where we were four years ago, I would have never felt like I could have brought in a child with trauma or a child that would have, you know, there's going to be a lot of extra capacity required for that. And I wouldn't have felt like I had that. But I will say that the process, I have learned so much through all the training, and through talking with other foster parents, and through then just our own foster care journey, it is really stretched me in a beautiful way and kind of broken my heart in a beautiful way. And just given me a lot more empathy and compassion and deeper understanding of how our responses to our kids, and how walking with our kids, how much that can impact them for years and years to come.

Jennifer Uren
Yeah. Yeah, that's so true. It's a, it's a living lab, in some ways. You talk about another in another part, in the book, you talk about a conversation that you had with Dr. Meg Meeker, and she said to you, "God has equipped you with everything, you need to be the best parent to the children he has given you. So don't sweat the small stuff, get the big stuff, right. And that's what matters." So that is great advice. But for mom, particularly if her kids have special needs, or they do come from hard places, that impact behavior, it can feel like everything is big. So I'm wondering how would you tell them to distinguish what is small, and what is big, and how they can approach it from a love centered perspective.

Crystal Paine
You know, I think that what's small to someone can be really big to someone else. And what's big to someone else could be really small to someone else. And one of the things that I talked about in the book is knowing what your family's core values are. And I think to recognize that, you know, for some families, and for some children, certain things are super important, I think about when we were fostering the little baby boy that we brought home from the NICU and we are working so hard to get him to come out of failure to thrive. And so food and getting nutrition in him was so important. And so every single milliliter was a very, very important thing. And we've worked so hard for all of those, you know, we had to track everything. And, and, and all of that was so important. And, you know, but with some of our other kids, it's not like, I'm like, how many milliliters of soup did you eat? You know, we're not right, either. So it's like, but it's important at that point. And I know, for my kids, certain things are super important for them, like, as far as being on having some consistency in certain areas is really, really important for my child who has some mental illness issues. And so I think it's knowing your child and becoming a student of your child is really important and kind of knowing what is the, their triggers, and I talked about, you know, the feelings and teaching them emotional language and understanding that ourselves, and not just kind of looking at the surface, but what's underneath I think is really important. But at the same time, you know, if you're dealing with a child with there's lots of therapies and their special needs, and there's all of that, what can you let go, what can you decide, this is not a big deal for me, you know, maybe we're gonna do super, super easy meals, and we're gonna always have paper plates, and we're gonna hire a cleaner, or we're gonna do things like that, that for some people, they'd be like, oh, like, you know, that's important to me that we're going to just kind of figuring out what is the big and the small stuff in your home for your family, for your children, for yours isn't for you? And if it looks really, really different than another family, that is totally okay. You do not love centered parenting means that you know what, you don't have to worry about your reputation. You don't have to worry about what other people think of you. I was thinking, I have to stand before God for my decisions for my children, and they might not make any sense to another family. That doesn't matter at the end of the day.

Jennifer Uren
Yeah. So those core values, that's very important. But what if you haven't taken the time to articulate those? Do you have any recommendation for kind of how to determine what those are for your family and make sure you're on the same page?

Crystal Paine
Well, it's interesting, because this is part of fostering we had to, when you I'm sure, you know, with adoption, know that the home study process is so intense, and you have so many meetings, and you have to fill out so much paperwork, and then you have to fill out more paperwork about paperwork that you filled out and all that. But one of the things was, and during our home study process, and the woman who was doing our home study, she actually set each of us down individually. And she asked what are your family's core values? And so we individually answered this question, which I thought was very interesting to do. And one of them that we said is that it's never boring. And so it was just interesting for us to I don't think that that was actually thing that we kind of pinpointed like, we're going to be a family who is very flexible and doesn't, you know, we're just can kind of jump the hat to like, have taken an adventure say yes to something that wasn't anything that we actually really set out as like this is important, but it has become one of our family's core values. And to realize that this is actually something that we're gifted in, it allows us to be able to say yes, to foster care and to some other ministry opportunities and some travel things that we wouldn't be able to if, you know, we were had some different core values. And so I think that it is, it can be helpful for you to, you know, if you're 10 years, 15 years into your parent journey, if you it's not like, well, I failed, we didn't have any core values. So my core values, you know, really think about, you know, to so ask everyone individually, if your kids are older, that they can actually write it, write it down, it'd be really fascinating to say, I want everybody to write down what would you say that sets our family apart? Or who are we? What do we do well? And kind of writing that down and comparing notes, I think it'd be really helpful. But if you're at the very beginning of your parenting journey, you know, I think too, obviously, you don't want to be kind of idealistic about it, because life is never going to pan out exactly like me. But to think about what are some things that areas of strength for us, you know. What are we good at? What are we gifted? And what are we really passionate about? And what's something that we want to impart to our kids. And so just as you're shaping the way that you run your home, and, you know, walk with your kids, you know, just really to incorporate some of that in, because it's just really cool to see how every family is wired differently. And that we can celebrate that instead of feeling like, "Oh, well, we're not doing it like they're so we must be messing something up." No! You're, you're a unique family. And that's the beauty of that.

Jennifer Uren
Mm hmm. Well, that's one of the things in the book that you said, that did surprise me, because you said you don't have a lot of structure in your family. But in real life, I hear you talking all the time about routines. So what's the difference?

Crystal Paine
So it's interesting. So as a family unit, we do not have set bedtimes or set meal times, which for a lot of families, that would just be like, what like how on earth, you know, now our kids, like we did, we have had kind of the we've been in the older years, in a sense, and now we're starting back over again with having a nine month old. So that so we have to, we're gonna have to adjust a little bit. But even when our three kids, three older kids were younger, we still did not just because my husband, I had really weird work schedules. And so that's just what we did. We just made it work every day. And so I have some good routines and kind of rituals, like every morning, I kind of do certain same things after I get up. And we have, you know, things like that, how I run the business and how I have my work day. But that's for me, personally, my husband is much more of a kind of fly by the seat of his pants guy. And he was raised in a home with that there was more of that, whereas I was raised in a home was like every 15 minutes, there was a schedule. And this is what we did. And so we've kind of tried to figure out how to marry both of those things and kind of compromise together. And so some of that has been me individually having some good routines, but then also us as a family not having this strict structure, because we've just found that that's that feels stifling for our family. And so like I said, core value, never boring. If we were like, if that was something that was a core value to us of having a real strict schedule, and there's a lot of things we wouldn't be able to do. And that's totally fine. If that's, you know, your core value and how your family is wired and what works best. And I'm not saying that maybe down the line, if you know, we're fostering a certain child that really needs that structure, then that would be something we'd be like, you know, we need to reevaluate for the season, we need to bring in more structure. But for right now, it just works out best for us to kind of fly by the seat of our pants and that works.

Jennifer Uren
Got it. And at that point, that becomes that big thing that needs to be focused on. So that's great. So you've been practicing this now for a few years. Has it impacted your marriage, your relationship there?

Crystal Paine
Yes, absolutely. And I feel like it's impacted every area of my life because it's not just love centered parenting, it's more love centered living. And really at the beginning of the book, where I talk about the process of replacing those lies with truth and living out of that truth and living as love and what it looks like to really believe that I am loved and then live out of that love. One of the things is that I feel like you just can lay down your defenses because if you believe that you are wholeheartedly loved by the Creator of the Universe, and there's nothing that you can you need to do more, be more strive harder in order to attain that love. You are already loved. Aas Jennifer Dukes Lee talks about your pre approved, you can lay down your defenses. So, in a marriage relationship, you're not always having to try to argue to be right. You can just love wholeheartedly and I think the, the leaning in and loving the listening Well, the leading with humility and the letting go can really work in any relationship. And so I feel like in our marriage, it's given us a lot more calmness, because I am a lot less frustrated and a lot less anxious because of this. So then we can parent from that place of peace. And together, we're able to do that instead of it kind of feeling like this tug of war, because I have strong personality. And so you know, trying to always be like, telling him where he's wrong or trying to come in and fix or just not really leaning in and loving and listening to where he's coming from. And if I'm not in that place of love.

Jennifer Uren
Mmm. Well, if you could go back to new mom, Crystal, what would you say to her knowing everything that you know, now, what would you tell her to do differently?

Crystal Paine
You know, I look back as a new mom. And I was so stressed. I was, there was so much stress. I remember, I had a two week old son, my brand new little baby, we're living in a little basement apartment, and I didn't have a vehicle because my husband was taking it to work. We only have one car. And he was at work in school for hours and hours, a lot of times 12 hours a day, didn't have a lot of community. But there was this one woman who I've kind of connected with. And I remember she showed up at my door one day, she was going to drive me we're going to go to the park or something and I was just a frazzled mess just trying to get out the door and she shows up my door. And she's like, "are you okay?" And up into that point, I hadn't really realized like, No, I wasn't okay. And I and I didn't really know how to articulate it at that point. But I know it was just, I was trying so hard to do it right. Yeah, I look back at that 23 year old woman and I just want to say to her, like, stop trying so hard. You are loved, you're gonna make mistakes. But that's why you have Jesus. And so what would it look like for you to let go of trying to micromanage your life, and always feeling like you're failing and to just rest in his love, and live out of that love. And someday you're going to understand some of the depths of that, and it's going to set you free.

Jennifer Uren
That is a good word to wrap up on. I really encourage everyone listening to get this book. It is a it is a great book, it's honest. And it is like Crystal said it's not a how to, but it's more of a freedom to live and and really, it starts with your own heart and it comes out of changing your heart and it pours into your kids, family, your kids relationships, there. So Crystal one last question that I like to ask everyone, it's a little more lighthearted. But what is your favorite gadget?

Crystal Paine
You know, this is a hard one for me because I am just not a gadget person. And I thought about this. I was like, you know, we'll probably bring like an air fryer or vacuum or something like that. And I was like what gadgets do I use, but I do love I came up with the two and that is one I love my bread machine and I have a Zojirushi that's how you pronounce it. I've had it for a long time my dad gave it to me as a gift for Christmas years ago. And I love to make dough in it so that I can make cinnamon rolls or rolls or bread I don't cook it in. I don't bake the bread in there. I just like to use it to make the dough. I like to just throw it all in there and then do that. And then also my Fitbit, which might be like why is that a gadget that you love? Well, I love because it just kind of helps keep me accountable to making sure that I am getting steps and I just use it for tracking my steps. But it's just nice that right here I can constantly be seeing active today because I think as moms we need to make sure that we are actually you know, investing in our own self. So I talked about this in the book because if we're just constantly giving out giving out giving out giving out and we're not gonna have anything to pour out. So exercise is something for me that's important. And that I try to prioritize. And so having Fitbit on my arm at all times just reminds me get up out of the seat and get those steps in because when you work at a computer, you can do a lot of things.

Jennifer Uren
It's it's hard to remember sometimes to get moving. So yes, those are great. I love those. So you've mentioned your Instagram account, but we'll mention it again. But wa...tongue tied there. What other ways can people connect with you?

Crystal Paine
So Instagram is always where I tell people to connect with me because it's just my favorite place and it's the one place where I just I personally am running it and but then also if you are interested in ways to save money or get great deals, you can visit my site moneysavingmom.com or check out the podcast that my husband and I do together called the Crystal Paine Show.

Jennifer Uren
Excellent. Well, thank you so much for being with us today. And again, I encourage each of you listening to preorder the book or if it's after March 16, when you're hearing this still order it anyway. And you can find a link for that in the show notes so that you can do that very easily. So thanks so much Crystal.

Crystal Paine
Thank you.

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